Being Likable Has Its Perks

You don't have to be the most talented or intelligent person in the room to get ahead. Being likable can open doors and create opportunities you never thought possible.

After getting off the phone last Friday morning with opposing counsel, I was inspired to share my thoughts in this new post. Hopefully this experience will resonate with you.

At first, everything this guy said got under my skin.

I didn’t like him. He was rude, abrupt and impolite.

He called me for a few discovery extensions (favors), and because of how he came across over the phone, every cell in my body wanted to tell him to go pound sand.

But I didn't. I took the high road and said, "of course."

Now here's the interesting part. When we were done talking about the case, I asked the following questions:

"What's wrong? Are you having a bad day?"

It’s a little technique I’ve learned over the years that I use, in the right situation, to disrupt a pattern.

There was a pause on the other end of the phone. We didn't know each other, and I'm sure he was thinking, that's a strange question to be asked.

And that was the idea. I wanted to disrupt his train of thought. I wanted to pivot the conversation.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. In this case I’m glad it worked.

He eventually responded, "Thanks for asking Mitch. I didn't mean to take out my frustrations on you. I argued with one of my teenage kids this morning and don’t feel good about it. Sorry I was short with you."

I told him no worries and that I'd been there and done that. I mentioned our kids are now 23 and 28, and we managed to get through their teens relatively unscathed. I let him know that I'm just a quick call away if he ever wants to talk strategy when chatting with teenage kids.

He laughed and said thanks. We talked for a few more minutes and then wrapped up the call.

I doubt he'll ever reach out for parenting advice, but my offer came from the heart and was made in good faith.

The bottom line is that we wrapped things up on a high note. That was the important take a way from the call.

I'm now looking forward to amicably litigating the case against him. It wouldn't surprise me if we eventually get the entire dispute between our clients settled.

The conversation reminded me of the power of likability.

“Want to know the secret to gaining people's trust and admiration? It all starts with being likable.”

Consider the Following

Imagine sitting across from your best friend at lunch. She says something silly you know isn't entirely accurate, but instead of correcting her, you smile and enjoy the conversation.

Or you may see a post from one of your friends on social media that isn't their best content, but you still take the time to engage with it and even click the link they shared.

Why do we do this? It's because we like the people we're interacting with. We want to be there and help them. We want to keep the positivity moving forward.

There's something special about being likable that draws others towards you. It's like a magnet that attracts people who share your interests and values. It motivates others to give you grace when you make a mistake.

And when going through life, isn't it more fun to focus on the joy and happiness of being liked and liking others than being the source or recipient of finger-pointing and ridicule?

I think so.

The telephone call reminded me that we all need to double down on doing whatever we can to avoid misunderstands, avoidable arguments and in the end, to be more likable.

I say we start by extending grace to others.

Let's start by leading with empathy and compassion.

After all, isn’t life's too short to do otherwise?

“You don't have to be the most talented or intelligent person in the room to get ahead. Being likable can open doors and create opportunities you never thought possible.”

Next Steps

So how do we start? What can we all do to become more likable?

Whether you're in law, sales, or just trying to make friends, likability is a valuable asset that can take you far. Here are five specific ways that anyone can master:

#1: Listen More Than You Speak

Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person was just waiting for their turn to talk? It's not a great feeling. One of the keys to likability is being a good listener.

When someone is talking to you, really focus on what they're saying, and ask follow-up questions. It shows that you're interested in them and what they have to say.

For example, instead of interrupting a friend telling you about their recent trip, to tell them about your trip, try asking them what their favorite part was or what surprised them the most about their trip. Use open-ended questions. Make the conversation about the other person. And then be genuinely interested in what they have to say.

#2: Show Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It's an essential component of likability because it helps you connect with people on a deeper level. When someone is going through a tough time, show them that you understand what they're going through and that you're there for them.

You don't have to have all the answers, but simply showing that you care can make a big difference. For instance, if a colleague is feeling overwhelmed, try saying something like, "I can imagine how stressed you must be feeling. Tell me more. Or maybe, “Is there anything I can do to help?"

#3: Be Authentic

Authenticity is all about being yourself, and not trying to be someone you're not. People can sense when someone is being fake, and it's a major turn-off. When you're true to yourself, you'll attract the right kind of people who appreciate you for who you are.

If you're not a morning person, don't try to pretend that you are. Instead, embrace your night owl tendencies, and find ways to make them work for you. Lean into your strengths and spend less time trying to fix your weaknesses.

#4: Smile

It may seem simple, but smiling can make a big difference in how likable you come across to others. Smiling shows you're approachable and friendly, which can help put people at ease.

When you walk into a meeting, smile and say hello to everyone in the room. It sets a positive tone and can help make everyone feel more comfortable. Here’s a video with Guy Kawasaki talking about the different ways you can share your beautiful smile.

#5: Give Compliments

Compliments are a powerful tool when it comes to likability. When you give someone a genuine compliment, it makes them feel good, and it also shows that you're paying attention to them.

One example of this is when a friend gets a new haircut, tell them how great it looks. Or if a coworker gives a great presentation, let them know how impressed you are.

These small gestures can go a long way in making someone feel appreciated. Just be real and speak from the heart. People can smell a phony from a mile away. Yup, that's right. No one likes a faker.

Conclusion

Becoming more likable is within everyone's reach. By listening more than you speak, showing empathy, being authentic, smiling, and giving compliments, you'll be well on your way to building stronger relationships and achieving your goals.

Go out there and start putting these tips into practice, and watch your likability soar!

Until next time, enjoy the journey and make each day your masterpiece!

Mitch Jackson, Esq.
2013 California Litigation Lawyer of the Year
2009 Orange County Trial Lawyer of the Year
Let’s stay connected on LinkedIn.

---